Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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