i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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