The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
