i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
