On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
