You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
