Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
