you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
