and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I AM VODKA MAN
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
