haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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