She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
