I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
We are two peas in an std pod
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
