if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
