Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
