You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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