a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I need moral support for this bender
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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