Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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