you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
