wat bout pragnant strippers??
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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