I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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