I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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