Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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