The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
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