I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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