At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
