remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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