So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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