my soul wont recognize me after tonight
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
