I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
