I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
