I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
