i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
