The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I supernannyed him into submission
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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