answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My dick has a subreddit
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
