dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
