Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
