I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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