I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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