I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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