They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
