just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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