I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
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