actually, I'm a sock model
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
