break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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