isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
