I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
