Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
