fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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