I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
