i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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