Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
