My room smells like vodka and shame
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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