he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
