Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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