You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
