On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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