I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
