sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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