He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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