I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Be still, my beating vagina.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
