You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
