it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
