I will die if light touches me.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
