My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
