Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Randomize
