youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
