Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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