whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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