You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
