seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
