i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
