STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
