her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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