i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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