Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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