Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
