She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
