after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize