I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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