The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize