My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
