Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
