She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Someone shit on the floor
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
