oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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