She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Can I color on your dick again?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
