He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
