If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize