we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
