Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
My underwear smells like fireworks.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
