No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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