I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
