dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
