I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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