no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
