I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
