I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
