Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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