p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
