Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
