$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
