Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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