Even the bartender felt bad for me
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
