So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Randomize
