gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
