i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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