my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
